|Image via Miss Kettle on the Bee!|
I have been so focused all this summer on my gig with Commonwealth Shakespeare Company, and then right after, a few of us from the apprenticeship began our own theater company (which I will also talk about later)!! We ended the apprenticeship and I have since been temp-ing everyday and interviewing for a full time job at least twice a week. Not only that but I began to get stressed about all the wedding planning that I had slacked off on during the summer. Unfortunately, I didn't see that my stress/BB took over and I think I got a little naggy. I wanted to book the photographer, I wanted to book the caterer, I wanted my dress, and I needed it done yesterday. I was so anxious about not being able to book the right vendors that I made three separate checklists to complete to achieve this. This post is basically a reckoning for me. Remember when I heard that unhappy newlywed on the bus? It took Patrick telling me to realize I was headed in that awful direction. I think my swift kick in the tush to myself may have been too much.
This is not me complaining about how stressed I felt or how overbooked I am at the moment. It's a realization, and a submission of gratitude. An apology. And a sigh of relief.
Patrick pointed out that I had started to lose some of the romance in our wedding plans these past few weeks. I had become too militant in our discussions and plans. And guys, I shut him out. I realized he was absolutely right. I had allowed myself to become too nervous that things would not get done that I failed to take my own advice I gave in that post. This is why Patrick is my best and greatest friend. This is why he is my soul mate and why he is my partner. He is always able to see me. He always, always understands. And he is more than busy, lately. He is working a full time job as the Global HR Coordinator while devoting the remainder his time to his passion: composing music.
Our conversation last night was in no way confrontational. He just brought me back again to what this is all about: Us. Our love. And I am so glad we are able to talk about things together, and remain strong. We are a team.
I could not be more grateful to have someone who is always there for me, even when I have Bride Brain. Even when I have tunnel vision toward one thing. Even when I seem ungrateful for the wonderful things that I have. I feel like I am awake again, and the BB is under control. I am again not nervous about planning, and looking forward to our Marriage, which is what this is about. Patrick and I are so excited that now we are starting to move forward in the planning process and are getting closer to being husband and wife. I couldn't be more grateful, happy and in love with the man who sees me for who I am, who can be strong for me even though he too is burning the candle at both ends, and can bring me back from Bride Brain/disconnected zombie oblivion. I feel like myself again.
Thank you, and I am sorry for not realizing sooner.*
P.S. Sorry (I'm not sorry) this was kind of a mushy post. :)